My Thoughts

i guess i’m just scared about the idea of growing up and taking on more responsibilities. it still hasn’t occurred to me that i’m a college student and my first semester is almost over. it feels like one giant sleep-away camp and eventually i’m just gonna be home again. it’s scary how fast time passes. my sister is going to be graduating college this may and then pretty soon she’s going to be out in the real world doing her own thing. it seems like just a couple years ago we were just dressing up as power rangers and doing silly stuff and pretty soon i’m going to be in the same position she is. i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i just had a meeting with my academic advisor about the classes i’d be taking next semester and i’m not going to lie i’m a little scared. most of my friends here know what they’re doing. their majors have already declared and one person practically has the next 9 years planned out. it’s hard deciding what I want to do. most of my life, i took the classes i did because my sister did. over the past 2 years i thought i wanted to be a history teacher, a sports journalist and now my latest thing is being a therapist of sorts. i enjoy listening to people’s problem and helping others. i’m also going to have to start looking for a job. everyone is in such a hurry to grow up and i don’t get why. all that comes with getting older is more responsibilities and work and i don’t see the appeal in that. i wish i could stay a kid forever :(

one of my good friends once said “if ignorance is bliss, then i’d like to be a little less happy”.  there are def times where i agree with her; i would hate to be kept in the dark. i would feel hurt if someone kept something from me, but at the same time i don’t know if i’d want to feel sad. oh well i don’t know where this came from or why i decided to write about this so whatevs. until next time

currently listening to: please don’t go- mike posner

at first i thought this guy was a scrub till my sister showed me this video of him recreating “kiss me through the phone” in his dorm room

so i finally gave in and decided to make one of these things. i don’t really know why i have this or what i’m going to use it for but i figured why not. i spent 6.5 hours on a train getting back from boston and i realized two things:

1. i HATE traveling by myself or traveling in general

i have no idea why, but traveling alone really upsets me. it makes me feel depressed and shitty. i had just gotten back from pittsburgh because i was visiting my girlfriend and i just absolutely miserable. maybe part of it was because i still missed her, but other than that, i couldn’t think of any reason why i should be unhappy. this feeling general malaise went away after a couple of days but it never occurred to me until today how crappy traveling by myself makes me feel. i’m doing alright now i guess but i think it’s just that i miss the people that i spent the weekend with. traveling is such a hassle. i know some people are very fond of it, but i just don’t see the appeal. i’m always scared i’m going to get lost or miss a train or a bus. then once you have to leave, it’s always so depressing.

2. i’ve finally settled in at college

i’m not saying that i feel like a legit college student b/c it still hasn’t hit me yet. what i mean when i say that i’ve settled in, is that i kind of view this place at home. i like it here. i like the people i’ve met and the friends i’ve made. when i finally got back to my dorm, i just plopped myself down on my bed and it felt like i  finished unpacking from a long vacation. it was great to catch up with friends and see how their fall break went. there was just this indescribable sense of happiness.